Today, I start my morning with a cup full of Intelligentsia coffee, various journals, a Bible, highlighters, a pen, and my heart.
I have what some would say is a "weeping heart." If I see a stray animal on the street I will think for a few minutes about that animal and hope beyond all hope that it has a home. I will also worry that it might be hit by an oncoming car and then I start to think of it lying on the side of the road in pain. Then I start to weep inside. That is me when it comes to people. I care beyond what is probably healthy and I encourage beyond what any cheerleader could possibly cheer for. When I call you friend, I am your friend for life. Not just a temporary fix during a summer program, or a temporary friend till someone better or smarter comes along. I never received the memo for levels of friendship or friends on sale. I am there if you are poor, rich, famous, sick, healthy, or successful. I wish people would know that about me and really embrace that.
I have always been a good listener,faithful, loyal, compassionate, sarcastic, and humorous friend. I am such a good listener that more often than not, I will spend time focusing on the other person so much, that I will leave with the feeling that I didn't really say much about my life and share the burdens of my heart. I will not have shared that I am partaking in three Bible studies and that each one is impacting my character in a major way. I will not have shared that I am wondering if I really have any close friends since I only talk to them once a year. I also will not have shared that I am praying to God each day for a family of my own and that I am depending on God alone to help shape me into the woman that would be a good wife and mother. I also will not have had the chance to share that sometimes I realize that I really am alone. God is here, and I'm grateful for His presence, but according to the world, I am a loner. Its not that I don't enjoy solitude, but I notice it more when I have spent time with someone and then as I walk away it hits me that, "wow, I don't do this very often." I love people. I enjoy hearing about their funny moments. I enjoy hearing their random revelations when they were shopping in Target. I love sharing laughter with them. I am just not so sure how they always feel about me. This has been my way of life for my entire life and some days, I really don't mind. Lately, I do mind. Mostly because I have more space and time that is free. I have time to really think and not be burdened with the day's obstacles. I have freedom that is unusual and with that freedom is a certain unrest.
Yesterday, I was reading from a wonderful devotional entitled, "If We Could Have Coffee..." by Holley Gerth. Its a great way to start the morning because it feels as though you are having coffee and chatting with a person who is really invested in your life. One of the best quotes that I read that really penetrated my heart was "There's one thing no other person in the world can do better than you, and that's simply being you...You are made in the image of God, and there's a part of who he is that only shows up in this world through you." Wow! Those words define my entire life. I have always wanted to be special and made to feel that way by my family and friends. To know that God feels that way about me is certainly more than I could have asked for! I don't want to walk around with an empty cup hoping that people will throw some spare change my way. I want a quality investment. The time I spend with God each morning is making me realize that in order to have any lasting, meaningful relationships, I have to get right with Him first. My first relationship of great importance is with Jesus. How I pray, meditate, praise,listen and cry out to Him is more important than any best friend this world affords. Listening and waiting have been my greatest challenges these past few weeks. So, am I really a good friend? Am I being the type of friend to others that I want to be towards me? Am I really a good listener? What is God trying to teach me at this very moment? I believe I can live a Limitless Life. I believe that the labels that have defined me, are just that, labels. I can rip them off and replace them with others. Or, I can just be the unique masterpiece that God created me to be.#earstohear